Just Sayin’ – What Your Department (Actually) Says About You

by Alex Hentschel

I know you’ve always wondered it — “what does my choice of major say about me?” Here’s a long, slightly judgmental list. The truth might hurt a little bit, so brace yourself…

Art, Design and Theater: Your least favorite question is “Oh, nice! So what are you going to do with that?” You probably include your Instagram handle on your resume, because something that beautiful and coordinated requires significant time and effort.

Biblical and Theological Studies: Hello, future pastor. You have quite a noble calling, and we appreciate that you’re following it. You’re probably a D-Group leader and you likely have a tattoo with Hebrew letters that no one except fellow Bible majors can interpret. You have very strong feelings on which translation of scripture is the best.

Business Administration: You were born in a pair of khakis and you will die in a pair of khakis. You tell yourself you’re a great negotiator, but the extent of your “negotiating” is probably between what to get at Rinnova. You probably like Excel a bit more than is entirely healthy, but that’s OK — you have a good relationship with money, which is more than most of campus can say.

Communication: You really resent it when people tell you you have an “easy” major. Your GPA is the envy of the entire campus, you have enough free time to go wherever you want, and you dominate at public speaking, which is basically everyone’s greatest fear — so who cares what those envious engineers say?

Education: You’re either kindhearted, optimistic, and great with kids, or you picked this one because having the summers off sounded pretty OK and you don’t hate children as much as you hate your fellow adults. You have strong opinions about which brand of crayons is best.

Engineering and Computer Science/Science and Mathematics: You are STEM and you are proud. You probably have a laptop sticker that says something like “Trust me, I’m an engineer.” You’re probably extremely stressed. People judge you for how much time you spend studying, but the joke’s on them because guess who’ll have a job right after graduation? Not that Communications major that’s been coasting for the past four years.

English, Literature and Modern Languages: You like to read. You have yet to realize that this does not make you special. You have in-depth thoughts about literature theory, and you probably will never get to discuss them with the apathetic high schoolers you’ll be teaching. But there’s always the chance that the novel that’s been sitting on your desktop since 2011 will hit it big.

History and Government: You wish people would ask you more what you think about this policy or that political figure. Little do you realize that no one asks because you’ve already told them.

Kinesiology and Allied Health: You love the gym so much that you’ve decided to make it into a profession. You probably go for early morning runs and you’ve had more than one kale smoothie. Everyone’s secretly envious of you.

Music and Worship: You went to college to learn how to worship God better, which is pretty noble. You’re extremely identifiable by your skinny jeans and your hair (looking at you, HeartSong). Your greatest secret is that everyone thinks you’re an incredibly gifted musician, but you mostly play the same three chords in different variations.

Nursing: You really care for others, but you question your noble calling every time your alarm rings at 4 a.m. for clinicals. You probably watch a lot of “Grey’s Anatomy,” you buy scrubs for fun, and you’re definitely too busy to be reading this right now. You should probably put this down and go study anatomy.

Pharmacy: You’ve been here for so long at this point that Cedarville feels like home. You get the ultimate college experience by extending it. People make a lot of jokes about drugs when they hear your major, and maybe three of them are funny.

Social Work/Psychology: You might have gotten into this major because you were a little too obsessed with Meyers-Briggs. You’re angry that the first thing people want to talk about when they hear your major is Freud because Freud honestly has nothing to do with what you do.

Of course, these are large generalizations, and there are exceptions to every rule. Just remember, the more offended you are by the stereotype, the more likely it is that it applies to you.

Alexandria Hentschel is a sophomore International Studies and Spanish double major and the Off-Campus news editor for Cedars. She enjoys old books, strong coffee, and honest debate.