Rex Looking for Girlfriend and Lost Friends

by Chris Karenbaur

Most students at Cedarville University know about Rex. He is a dino who wanders around campus with his buddy Spider-Man. They are the newest Cedarmemes. And they are usually seen walking around campus, greeting people, or posing for pictures for the Instagram meme pages.

Rex’s alter ego, Derek Burk, developed the idea of Rex after a failed Captain America and original superhero in a blue morph suit failed.

Burk has a serious condition in which he morphs between his human self and Rex. I call it the Incredible Hulk Syndrome, similar to Bruce Banner turning into Hulk when he gets upset. Incredible Hulk Syndrome is a serious condition for poor Burk/Rex, so prayers would be much appreciated.

Fortunately for Rex, he has his good friend Spider-Man to help him out. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Rex refused to disclose Spider-Man’s true identity. I hold out hope that he is either Tom Holland or Andrew Garfield. I would even settle with Toby Maguire.

Rex and Spider-Man are best friends, helping students around campus with lost bikes or providing entertainment as students hurry to their classes. Yet poor Rex is lonely being the only dino on campus.

With the help of Spider-Man, Rex turned to his version of online dating and posted a Classifieds that he is looking for his soulmate. “I was told that Cedarville would have a lot of girls to choose from, but there aren’t any other dinosaurs on campus,” Rex said sadly.

If you or someone you know is interested, Rex is a nice young man who is looking for love. Some of his interests include listening to country music, taking long naps and watching movies\TV shows. He’s a helpless romantic and enjoys romantic comedies in particular.

Perhaps staying in and watching movies isn’t your cup of tea. That’s alright. Rex also enjoys walking around the mall. He goes with his second best friend Rhonda and his other elderly lady friends in their mid-80s who wear designer tracksuits. 

Maybe you lady dinosaurs aren’t looking for your soulmate because Rex and Spider-Man posted on Classifieds that they are looking for their friend. First name Joe. Last name Mama. He was last seen about two weeks ago. If you are Joe Mama or see him, know that your friends are worried about you.

Chris Karenbauer is a senior Journalism major and the Editor-in-Chief for Cedars. She enjoys reading and writing, hanging out with friends, and jamming out.