Domestic abuse panel at Cedarville University teaches what Christians must know about domestic abuse

By Bella Agnello

*For the purpose of protecting the identity of a survivor of domestic abuse and her family, information such as names and last names have been removed from this article

On Thursday, September 19, Cedarville University hosted a panel discussion on abuse titled “Domestic Abuse Panel: Our Responsibilities as Christians in the Workplace.” The panel featured experts who talked about their professional and personal experiences with domestic abuse: Professor Melissa Brown from the School of Education and Social Work; Dr. Ronni Kurtz from the School of Biblical Studies; Dr. Marcia Williams from the School of Nursing; Danny Brooks, a mental health counselor with New Creation Biblical Counseling.

Charlotte, a senior Nursing major, planned and moderated the panel. Members of the Nursing Honors Society (NHS) attended the event to fulfill part of their required events. Non-nursing majors and non-Cedarville students also sat in to listen.

Charlotte came up with the idea for a panel discussion on domestic abuse because her sister is a survivor of domestic abuse. Charlotte’s sister shared specific examples from her previous marriage to show how abuse is not always physical, nor does it have to happen the majority of the time.

“I hope that you can see abuse can happen to anybody,” she said. “I’m not black and blue on the outside but that doesn’t mean I’m not black and blue on the inside.”

The panel discussed the cycle of abuse, which begins with tension building up to an incident, from there to reconciliation, to a state of calmness and finally back to tension building. Oftentimes, the cycle continues until someone intervenes.

Intervening in Christian marriages, however, proves more than difficult. In his pastoral role, Kurtz intervened in two abusive marriages.

“I knew these people – these were gut-wrenchingly hard cases,” Kurtz said. “They don’t train you in seminary on how to, with the help of her dad, help a young girl get out of her home before her husband gets home.”

Because of Charlotte’s family’s own experiences, she called the church to reevaluate the way they care for victims of abuse and their families.

“I wish the people in my church – which we left – would have taken some more personal responsibility, not that it was their fault,” Charlotte said. “But even if they reached out to me or reached out to my parents, if they didn’t feel comfortable reaching out to my sister. None of that happened, and even when we did ask for help there was no follow up. The individuals in the church shouldn’t say, ‘Oh, that’s the pastor’s job,’ but should say, ‘Oh, this family needs help. We have to do something.’”

Christians must also move beyond simply caring for the victim to care for the abuser. Yet, even for the Christian, forgiveness can be challenging.

“Without a doubt we want radical forgiveness because we have been radically forgiven,” Kurtz said. “We have to be able to hold that proposition and yet be wise when it comes to the safety of our brothers and sisters in Christ and ourselves. We can faithfully forgive and yet be safe.”

Brown learned, as a social worker, to listen to the abuser by returning to the gospel.

“There is nothing wonderful about me that has kept me from being a perpetrator,” Brown said. “It is the power of the Holy Spirit that has restrained me from doing those things. I can treat a perpetrator justly and with grace and kindness because I recognize they are made in God’s image and I am just as vile in God’s eyes as anyone else without saving grace.”

“You’re not above being abused or becoming an abuser,” Brooks said. “A lot of people think, ‘This is impossible, it’ll never happen to me, I’m smarter than that.’ It’s definitely like that frog analogy where you’re in a pot that’s getting hotter over time and you don’t realize it until it’s boiling and the frog is cooked. And that’s what an abusive relationship is like.”

Brooks also commented on how women dominated men in attendance. He encouraged more men to attend events discussing abuse.

“Anyone is liable to do this stuff, even just the lighter manipulative behaviors,” Brooks said. “But as a man, I feel like I’m supposed to be a protector and if I can’t identify abuse, how am I supposed to protect people?”

Charlotte’s sister encouraged the audience to see that just as God used her story for good, he could use someone else’s story to help others find their own healing and freedom from their past or present situations.

Whether a victim of marital, dating or child abuse, Brooks spoke a word of encouragement to those who survived domestic abuse.

“If you have the courage to share your story then share it,” Brooks said.

Charlotte hopes people walk away from the panel more aware of how common abusive relationships are, even in the church.

“I hope they feel more equipped to, if they see something, say something,” Charlotte said. “It’s not your responsibility to fix the situation, but it is your responsibility as a Christian to educate yourself and use your resources to help them as much as you are equipped by the grace of God.”

Bella Agnello is a junior Broadcasting, Digital Media and Journalism major with a concentration in Journalism. She enjoys thrifting, listening to records and reading classic Russian literature in her spare time.

*Photo provided by Unsplash