By Alex Hentschel
This year, in our house of girls, we did a Galentine’s Day — though we’re a whole mix of single, dating, engaged and confused, we wanted to take a moment to celebrate each other. And so, for a newly established holiday, we need a newly established procedure. I give you the Galentine’s Day Manifesto.
We, the women of the United States, in order to form a more perfect holiday, establish kindness, ensure relational tranquility, provide for the single and the taken, promote general love and happiness, and secure the blessings of female friendship, do ordain and establish Feb. 13 as Galentine’s Day, for the women of America.
ARTICLE ONE: Girls must support one another, in all circumstances, in all cases. You may inquire: Does it matter if the girl is not someone I know well? No! Women must form a tight-knit community of love and acceptance, internally validating, because relationships with friends are incredibly important.
ARTICLE TWO: Valentine’s Day, the dreaded Feb. 14, often serves to put stress on those in relationships, and place an unfair burden of loneliness on those not in relationships. In order to make the holiday about love a more inclusive time, and not so polarizing, Galentine’s will fill the gap to make sure everyone feels validated.
ARTICLE THREE: Being in a relationship does not relieve a lady of her duties to the sisterhood; indeed, it enhances her burden, ensuring that single women know they are equally valued, and telling them truths and advice of her relationship. It also means that a woman has a duty to her fellow women regardless of whether other obligations tie her up.
ARTICLE FOUR: Valentine’s Day is often a display of overly sweet affection, with red and pink everywhere and disgusting candy hearts; Galentine’s Day shall avoid these sad weaknesses and shortcomings. There shall be no overly sweet language, no teddy bears, no dozen roses; instead, there will be chocolate, watching of a movie that makes us feel warm and fuzzy, and compliments and encouragement for the sisterhood.
ARTICLE FIVE: Under no circumstances may a boyfriend be invited to Galentine’s Day; if a sister wants to invite her man to Galentine’s Day, remind her that all relationship-related hangs can be postponed to Feb. 14 and that supporting the sisterhood is a priori;
ARTICLE SIX: Before hosting any kind of Galentine’s-themed event, the hostess must watch “Parks and Recreation” Season 2, Episode 16 to gain inspiration from Leslie Knope; however, the hostess must be careful to avoid Leslie’s crucial mistake of ranking her friends, which should never be done in any context, but least of all on Galentine’s Day, which is meant for building one another up;
ARTICLE SEVEN: Gifts are not required at Galentine’s Day celebrations; however, if any of the girls wish to honor another friend with a gift, that is acceptable and very cute.
It is so ordered.
Alex Hentschel is a senior International Studies and Spanish double major and the off-campus news editor for Cedars. She enjoys sociology, black coffee, and honest debate, preferably all at once.